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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

A Public Reaction

When I was pregnant, I got a few funny looks from people in town. As I'm a pretty paranoid person anyway, I thought it was ten times worse than it was. I was always expecting people to whisper about me when I walked past them, pointing at me, with disapproving looks on their faces. In a shop once, I was about 8 months pregnant buying shoes, there was a girl who looked just a bit younger than me with her mum, they were infront of me in a queue, and I heard her mum say 'scum'. I was furious, especially as I was with my mum and she didn't say anything to her, to make myself feel better I said in an especially loud voice 'God mum, I'm about to drop and that girls still fatter than me, haha!' about the young girl, which was true but her mum gave me the dirtiest look ever, and left the shop without buying anything.

Now Heidi's 16 months, and I'm nearing 17, I don't notice it as much. I went to a playgroup with her yesterday, and although it was obvious I was nearer to the babie's age than the other mums, they didn't give me dirty looks or anything. I have to say though, I was the only mum there getting down on my knees playing with my daughter, all the other mums were standing around talking.

Is society beginning to recognize that teen mothers aren't as bad as the media portrays them to be? Of course, there will be some Vicky Pollard types, but the majority of us are trying to make the best out of a supposedly bad situation, and most of us are coping just fine.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Letter to a Murderer.


I don't even know if you're still alive. Smackheads don't make old bones.
If you are, I hope you fucking die. You took away my sisters life without a second thought. I know you were off you're face half the time, but my sister had so much fucking going for her and you had to ruin everything.
If you got yourself clean then I hope that everynight when you try to go to sleep you are kept awake with the guilt of taking another persons life.
I have so many questions for you:
Why did you do it? Why my sister?
Did you ever care about her? Why did she take it? Did you force her?

It's been five years since she died and people have moved on. Did you know you nearly drove my mum and dad to kill themselves? Did you fuck. I was the youngest left to pick up the pieces, trying to be strong for my parents so that the whole fucking family didn't fall to pieces, do you have any idea what thats like?
My dad wanted to kill you, actually seriously take your wank life away like you did to her. I wish he had, because even though it won't bring her back, at least then there would be at least one sense of justice. If I saw you myself you would have five fucking years of grief on you.

You killed my family, and not just Debbie.

You know I used to think you were cool? I didn't know you were a smackhead because I was only 10, I can't believe my sister would go with a filthy scumbag like you.
Where the fuck were you when she went in a coma outside somerfield?! You got her on it and you left her to die. Words can't explain how much disgust I feel for you.

You filthy, dirty smackhead.

Yours sincerely

When to Let Go.

When you fall for somebody, do we ever really let them go?
I don't think we do to be honest. If you fall in unconditional and irrevocable love you wont get out of it. When the relationship is over, the feelings may die down a bit, but they'll always be there. When the memories start to fade you cling on to the parts that are too hard to let go, they keep you awake at night when you blink back the tears of the time you'll never get back
Because it's over.
Why can't we let go? Do we cling on to every last strand of hope that one day you'll reunite? Do you put yourself 0ut there hoping against hope that there might be the tinisest chance with them, just to be rejected?
Scientists can explain how our circulatory system works, tell us what happened since 8000BC yet they cannot explain how love works. If we knew how it works, we could prevent it and create a cure. It's one cure I would take without a doubt.